Momma update

As we approach the girls' first birthday, I've been thinking a lot about last year at this time. I wasn't working for all of September and it's hard to imagine how I filled my days. I was so impatient for them to be born and so worried that something wouldn't go right with the birth and I would never get to know them.

After my baby shower, I hung all the tiny little clothes on the line and just couldn't believe that we would soon have two more people in the family. The nursery was ready- well, the cradles were there, which is as ready as it ever became- and I had tried to buy things that we would need but there was so much I just didn't know what we would need or want. And I was nervous about how difficult it was going to be, having the two babies, breastfeeding, not sleeping, dealing with them crying,...

I had insomnia while I was pregnant and was just so uncomfortable the last few months, but people would say, "You think you can't sleep now, just wait until you have them! You'll wish you could put them back in!" And just to note in case any other uncomfortably-pregnant moms are reading this: that wasn't true at all. I slept great after they were born- when you can only get an hour or two of sleep at a time, you can't have insomnia! And it was so nice to not be pregnant anymore- such a physical relief; pains I don't even remember anymore just vanished. I'd take recovery from major abdominal surgery any day over carrying around 12 lbs of baby (and 30 more pounds of supporting material). Well, maybe not any day.

And now I can't believe it's been a year. People said it'd go fast, and it sure didn't at first, but now, wow! It is just the most incredible thing I've ever experienced: watching little girls emerge from those tiny little babies. I'm just amazed that I can love anything this much, let alone two little anythings. And I love them both intensely, and differently. They are so different, they have been since minutes after their birth (apparently- personally, I was sobbing with relief as they stitched me up on the operating table, after quick glances at two mewling purple kittens, so dizzy with emotion that I thought the anesthesiologist had broken his promise not to give me any drugs without telling me first). And every day that they grow and change I think I love them differently from the day before.

I was worried that I would resent the things in life that I have to give up for them. And there are times when I would like to sleep in (until 7! Just 7!) or go out for a beer after work and stay out late, but I just don't have a strong desire for that. I've seen this with Dave, too- he races home from work each day just because he misses the girls so much. Sometimes I think the two short days I work per week are just too much time away (but I realize that gives me a break which keeps me enjoying my days at home).

There are so many small pleasures of the day. Adi has started wrapping her arms around my neck with a very clingy hug-- I call her my little monkey-- and it makes me feel so loved. And making Mae giggle is one of the best things in the world. For some reason she thinks it's hilarious when I 'dance' with her stuffed animal. People keep telling me they are the happiest babies they've ever seen, so I think we are just incredibly lucky. And it sure makes the days fun with them.

That's what I hadn't expected- the fun. I thought that came later, when the kids were old enough to do regular things. But with babies, fun is: grabbing a toy for the first time, giggling when your sister lays her head on your tummy, holding a towel in front of your face and waiting for someone to ask where you are, crawling as fast as you can down a hallway, tackling a stuffed animal, tackling your sister (not so much fun for the tackle-ee), touching your mom's tongue, saying "da da",... and that's just what I can think of now.

Now Mae is awake early from her nap [more time for fun ;) ] so that's all for now. Probably enough!